There have been a lot of references about the “you and me against the world” type of relationships, the one they you fight for and prove to the world that you know your relationship better than any outside factor. But when the relationship itself becomes toxic—may be partly due to the outside factors that throw stones at you—how do you fix it?

Work on yourselves

If your relationship starts to become toxic and you’re working on repairing it, work on yourselves foremost. Instead of pointing fingers at who is being a problem in the relationship, consider checking each of your own personalities and what you bring into the relationship. You may need to adjust the way you argue and the way you disagree. It’s not saying that once you figured this one out that you will no longer have fights. You will still have them, but you will be able to argue better, which need not result to extreme anger.

Stay curious about your partner

When you think you know everything about your partner, you become complacent. And in reality, you really would not know everything about them. There will be small things that will still surprise you about them. So take time to savor each other’s company and celebrating each other (this will also add up to the “spice” in your relationship).

Therapy and counseling

Counseling provides a level field for both partners to air their sides (as opposed to talking to their friends and family, which could garner sympathy). A couple’s therapist could be the neutral ear and a nonjudgmental party that could listen to both sides and could help come up with possible solutions to work on in the couple’s relationship. Trying couples counseling does not necessarily mean the relationship is almost irreparable. On the contrary, if both parties are willing to work on their relationships, they would be welcome to try all ways to save their relationship.

There could be a time when fixing doesn’t have to mean you both will stay together. When a couple has considered all ways to help in their relationship, maybe it is time to accept that you’re both better off without each other. It is better to part ways in good standing than throwing painful words at each other. Maybe this time is not the time for your relationship. And should you be meant for each other, you will both find your ways back to each other.

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